Useful phrases for cycling from Paris to Blackpool

Below is a list of phrases I was sent by Bobby and the Sergeant that may be useful for anyone cycling from Paris to Blackpool. Please note the translations may not be accurate.

Useful French Phrases

Greetings:

Hello, my name is Andrew, I am a cyclist.

Bon jewer, gem apple Andrew, Je suis un cycliste.

Hello nice French person.

Bon jewer, fromage eating surrendere monkeye.

Asking for directions:

I’m lost, can you tell me the way to Blackpool?

Je suis perdu, pouvez-vous m'indiquer le chemin à Blackpool?

Can you tell me the way to the hospital?


 Pouvez-vous m'indiquer le chemin à l'hôpital?

Can you tell me the way to the pie shop?

Pouvez-vous m'indiquer le chemin à la boutique à tarte?

Can you tell me the way to the pub?

Pouvez-vous m'indiquer le chemin de la pub?

I’m looking for the Eiffel Tower.

Je suis à la recherche de la Tour Eiffel.

Useful statements and questions:

My bike seat is stuck up my bottom!

Mon siège vélo est coincé mon fond!

No thank you, I don’t pay for sex.

Non merci, je ne paie pas pour le rumpie pumpie.

A few donkeys and it would look just like Blackpool.

Quelques ânes et il serait ressemblent Blackpool.

4 Big Macs, large fries and a diet coke please.

Quatre le Big Mac, grande portion de frites et un Coke diète s'il vous plaît.

Do you have any cream? My shorts are chafing.

Avez-vous une crème? Mes courts métrages sont les frottements.

Do my nipples look big in this top?

Ce que mes mamelons paraître grand dans ce top?

Can I bring my bike onto the bus?

Puis-je amener mon vélo dans le bus?

When I said spare tyre, I meant the one for the bike.

Lorsque je l'ai dit la roue de secours, je voulais dire celui de la vélo.

Oi Frenchie, come back with my bike!!!

Oi garlic baguette, revenir avec mon vélo!!!

No there are no asylum seekers under my shirt.

Non, il n'y a pas de demandeurs d'asile en vertu de ma chemise.

That beret is very stylish, and really looks well with the onions.

Ce béret est très élégant, et c'est vraiment bien avec les oignons.

Grab that yellow jersey and leg it!

Prenez le maillot jaune et s'enfuient !

Attractive under arm hair darling.

Attractive sous chérie cheveux bras.

Do you have a puncture repair kit?

Avez-vous un kit de réparation de crevaison?

How much wine can I drink legally and still ride my bike?

Quelle quantité de vin que je peux boire légalement et encore monter ma vélo?

Hey French pig, eat my dust!

Hey de porc française, manger mon poussière

If in doubt, the phrase “Aw ee, aw ee, aw” will get you through.

Training, training and infection

Well last Sunday was the first official training ride for our T2T (Paris to Blackpool) ride in June. With the clocks changing it wasn't a very nice 5am start for me and I really struggled to get my breakfast eaten, porridge was okay but the peanut butter on toast was impossible to swallow.

After an uneventful drive from Carnforth to near Ormskirk, via the delightful toilets in Charnock Richard services, I joined the other 15 cyclists.Things started off fine with my legs slowly coming round after being in the one position for so long in the car but then I made the mistake of waiting for one of the guys on the first little rise who seemed to be struggling a little bit. After waiting we had totally lost the rest of the group and not being sure which left turn was the key to the route we ended up doing 20 miles on our own before meeting up with the others. The rest of the ride went fairly well apart from a couple of punctures, three people falling over whilst stationary and poor communication when someone dropped off the back of the group.

During Sundays ride myself and Tony decided we'd start doing our Tuesday night training rides from work again so that's what we did. We set off just intending to have a chilled out ride but as always seems to be the case on that route the final 10 miles turned into a 10 mile TT with us only being three minutes slower than our best time from last year.

I've had a small lump on the back of my neck for a few years now which has been checked out by the doctor and is a sebaceous cyst. Over the past week the cyst has grown massively and it turns out it is now infected so I'n now on high strength antibiotics. Due to cyst being right on the back of my neck it is very uncomfortable  to sleep on my back and my whole neck has become stiff, my position on the bike also means the cyst is squashed so I'm going to be dosed up to my eyeballs to get through the pain barrier on Sundays T2T training ride.